Nigel Wright

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it!

I have been caught in flash flood waters on a Kayaking trip in New Zealand and it has to be experienced to be believed, prayers not judgements for this tragedy please.

Plus my friends at Opawa are in mourning, prayers greatly appreciated for Marie's family and friends.

"If one part suffers, every part suffers with it." 1 Corinthians 11:26

Bonhoeffer - Who am I?

"Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were
compressing my throat,
Yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighbourliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

"Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!"                      Deitrich Bonhoeffer.

I was set this today by a friend who knows me well (I find Bonhoeffer hugely inspiring) -  today is the day Bonhoeffer is remembered in the Anglican cycle of prayers, a big thank you... 

Envy & gratitude

Every so often I borrow from the Henri Nouwen daily or weekly reflection as I do now! The reflection has a strange kind of link to this weeks thefridayservice story (Jacob and Esau):

"Melanie Klein, a German psychoanalyst who wrote in the mid-twentieth century, talks about gratitude as a hallmark of healthy human development. The infant, Klein believes, struggles with conflicting responses to her environment, mostly represented by the mother. The child experiences intense love, aggression (manifested in biting the breast) and even envy. How could a baby feel envy? In Klein's view, the baby envies the mother's seemingly endless supply of milk and wishes it, too, could be the source of such goodness. In healthy development, the baby comes to experience that the mother it envies and the mother it loves are the same person. The natural response to this realization is gratitude, and this gratitude is the baby's reparation for the biting and envious feelings.

Just my reflection

My Body is just my reflection …

When you die you leave your reflection.

Your real self leaves your body and

goes into another world … where

it will be the happiest life of all …

God has the answers, we have the

questions, and only in the end

will he tell us the answers.

God has kept that new life a secret

and I am glad because it will give

us a surprise, it will give us such

a big surprise.

Garvan Byrne, aged 11, a year before he died.[1]

Yesterday at college we had the great pleasure of an evening with Sister Frances Dominica, founder of Helen House in

Oxford

, the world’s first hospice for children with life-shortening conditions and their families.

The stories were both harrowing and awesome, Sister Frances was grounded and humble. As she shared with us the presence of God reflected in her face, in her emotions and in her being (and in her own words, she is not the sentimental type).

No PowerPoint presentation, no notes, no props, one woman, one God and a journey with many lives and deaths.

No heroics, no miracles, no experts - but communion, friendship, being, compassion, touch, presence, listening and story.

Thank you Sister Frances.

---

[1] Frances Dominica ASSP, Just my reflection…Helping families to do things their way when their child dies (London: Darton, Longman & Todd, 1997).

Bonhoeffer listening

Christians, especially preachers, so often think they must always "contribute" something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking when they should be listening...

Anyone who thinks that his time is too valuable to spend keeping quiet will eventually have no time for God and his brother, but only for himself, for his own words and plans.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer still "ringing" in my ears....

Rejoice for Rev Chris Mullins

Today we heard the news that Chris has died.

Chris was an inspiration to many many people, see the link above, but for me she was an inspiration in illness, as well as an encourager in my first year of training.

It wasn't long before she had me leading contemporary worship and encouraging me not to hide my "evangelical passion" - see Brian Mclarens book here for where I am coming from on that term - and generally being a good role model in her final year of her training when I was in my first.

In true Chris style she wants us to think of a happy time where she was involved and rejoice in thinking of the place she is heading.

Our prayers to all her family and close friends.

Blessings and peace x

Bipolar

The events of last week led me to sharing about life on the margins, see this post and I have been pleased that at the moment Bipolar is getting some positive media attention. Manic depression being the more common name.

Stephen Fry brought it to the fore in "The Secret Life of  the Manic Depressive" with excellent back up material from the BBC and a discussion on Radio 2's Jeremy Vine program today.

We can only journey together in shared narrative and story, only then will our prejudices and fears be removed.

That said, it's back to the placement assignment, deadline 30 September 2006!

Drugs - just pushing through...

Feeling a little less sore today but quite groggy from the pain killers  and a little shaky (to say the least) as the "heavy stuffy" really does wear off!

I was talking about how Jesus might react to drug addictions (through prescribed or not) - or any other addiction for that matter -  and how the sermon on the mount takes on a whole new meaning. Perhaps somewhat differently to how we might react, there is a certain inevitable reaction in many congregations of having sympathy and even giving money to worth-while causes relating thereto but at the same time a "not in my back yard" approach.

Just read a review of Mike Yacconeli's Messy Spirituality, better still, read the book for yourself.

Just doing this series of posts feels like a big risk, I am will be in a curacy by this time next year, how will people view this post?, will it put them off?, and instantly I am sucked in to the world of perfection and celebrity status, a world that John Thompson captures as that distorted by celebrity status and explains "in the mundane contexts of much discipleship celebrity models can appear superficially attractive but in fact simply indicate the relative poverty of their admirers." (See here for book details, page 17.)

It can feel very much like a cliche but it really is in our weakness that God's strength comes through. How we address and deal with issues as real ordinary people in the language of Christian believing.

Drugs ... continued

I was warned, as they say, the pain gets worse before it gets better with this type of procedure, I think I also underestimated the severity of the procedure (as per one close friend).

Not a good day today with much pain relief required, I will continue yesterday's post tomorrow, presuming that things start to settle down a little...

From the Shores of Lake Galilee

It's good to be back -functioning, hopefully, on all four cylinders!

Thank you to everyone who sent me good wishes, prayers and support, they were all very much appreciated. By ways of explanation, I have food intolerance's which normally don't give me too much of a problem but when I eat something that I shouldn't (I hasten to add unbeknown to me) and then pick up a viral infection (there are lots about at the moment, our parish priest couldn't make any services today due to an infection-very out of character) then for me it is a nasty combination!